LIFE IS ALL ABOUT ASS!
You're either married to an ASS,
Divorced from an ASS,
or trying to forget an ASS.
You're either working your ASS off,
Sweating your ASS off,
Laughing your ASS off,
Kicking ASS, Kissing ASS,
Spanking ASS, Hauling ASS,
Wiping ASS, Busting ASS,
Trying to get a piece of ASS,
OR, You are an ASS!
I heard you're a player.
So let's play a game.
Let's sweet talk.
Let's play fight.
Let's talk 24/7.
Let's tell each other good morning and good night every day.
Let's take walks together.
Let's give each other nicknames.
Let's hang out with each others' friends.
Let's go on dates.
Let's talk on the phone all night long.
Let's hold each other.
Let's kiss and hug.
And whoever falls in love first?
Here's a compilation of 25 Best Quotes about Humour:
Humour is also a way of saying something serious. --T. S. Eliot
That is the saving grace of humour, if you fail no one is laughing at you. --A. Whitney Brown
Humour is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. u--Bill Nye
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --Horace Walpole
A sense of humour is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. --Dwight D. Eisenhower
Total absence of humour renders life impossible. --Colette
Humour is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --Dick Clark
Humour is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. --Edward De Bono
Humour is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humour; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. --Aristotle
If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke. --Hugh Elliott
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel. --James Thurber
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humourist makes fun of himself. --James Thurber
Where humour is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --John Kenneth Galbraith
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl. --Charlie Chaplin
Humour is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them. --Lewis Mumford
Humour is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. --Mark Twain
Humour is just another defense against the universe. --Mel Brooks
Humour can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. --E. B. White
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. --Peter Ustinov
Humour is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. --Mary Hirsch
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. --Ralph Waldo Emerson
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. --Pico Iyer
Defining and analyzing humour is a pastime of humourless people. --Robert Benchley
Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it. --Salma Hayek
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. --Mel Brooks
Funny Quotes About Love and Relationships
"Love is a grave mental disease." - Plato
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." - Albert Einstein
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."- Henny Youngman
"Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman." - Oscar Wilde
"Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller
"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner
"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods." - Bill Cosby
"Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species."- W. Somerset Maugham, A Writer's Notebook, 1949
"Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots." - Author unknown, as printed in The Hoosier Farmer
"Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty." - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
"Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life." - Author Unknown
"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy." -George Jean Nathan
"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one" -Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
"Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last" - Remy de Gourmont
"You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories."- Melanie Clark
"A woman in love can't be reasonable--or she probably wouldn't be in love." - Mae West
"A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears." - Woodrow Wyatt
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."- Albert Einstein
"It is impossible to love and be wise." - Francis Bacon
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby."- Natalie Wood
"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."
"Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable." - Cher
"The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one." - Rita Rudner
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." - Erma Bombeck
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I was nauseous and tingly all over... I was either in love or I had smallpox." - Woody Allen
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down." - Woody Allen
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." - Groucho Marx
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates.
"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce
"An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." - Rita Rudner.
"If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow." - John Wayne.
"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.." - Diana Jordan.